I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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