So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
