i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
