i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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