have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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