just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
