we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
