at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
