I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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