escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
