Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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