Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
