if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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