i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
literally had 100 drinks last night.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize