how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
