Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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