Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
