So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize