Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Holy shit dude........stairs
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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