The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
