I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
