So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
