Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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