dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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