I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
