it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
