spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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