i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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