I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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