This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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