So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
