Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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