im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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