my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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