Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
