What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
