She's JV to your varsity
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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