we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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