lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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