yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
