clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
