By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
