He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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