The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
