We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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