I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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