I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
