I think I won the penis lottery.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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