what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
