It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Will exercising make me less horny?
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