I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
