The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Sponge bath it is.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
