Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize