happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
