We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
