I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
