He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
