My brain says no but my pants say off.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
