Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
