don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
and eventually we just all took our pants off
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
