this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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