I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
