Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
