I love black thongs
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
