I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
