Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
