he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
