No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
