I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
