her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
