I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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