I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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