got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
