Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
