guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize