I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
