I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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