im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Well I just put wine in my tea
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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