He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
